This is the Story of a Girl
by visitivity
Summary: Sakura thinks that there is nothing worse that being a fourteen-year old, plant-like, flat-chested Genin. Boy, is she ever in for a big surprise. SakuSasu? SakuNeji? SakuNaru? ShikaIno for sure. Read to find out!
1. The Beginning

This is The Story of A Girl

Hey everyone! It's been a while since my last update and I'm really sorry for that. I just had the worst case of writers block... Expect to see more chappies of my other stories soon! And please... don't forget to review. If you don't review I'll think that nobody reads my stories and therefore.. the story shall be incomplete! So here's "This is The Story of A Girl" written in diary form of Sakura Haruno. I got the idea off of the Princess Diaries- I was just thinking about how cool it would be if I wrote the story that style. Now, it might now work out that great. Like- it could be completely crappy but I'm going to give it a try. And I will stop babbling now.

Enjoy and revvvviiieew!!

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_This is the story of a girl, _

_Who cried a river and drowned the whole world_

_And while she looks so sad in photographs, _

_I absolutely love her, _

_When she smiles... _

-Nine days-

Act 1: The Beginning

_**July 18th**_

I seriously cannot believe that my mother gave me this notebook. She claims that I needed a creative outlet, something more... feminine in my daily routine instead of training, training, training. And googling over Sasuke-kun. She claims that she fears one day, that she would lose her only daughter to the evil masculinities that her daughter has become succumbed to everyday. She also seems to think that she is losing her only daughter, whom she knows absolutely nothing about, on account of the fact that she is always away doing missions and rescuing dumb animals from trees. She says that one day, I'm going to die and leave nothing behind and she will never have anything to remember me. She says that my choice of career is too dangerous for my own good and that I should just get a job working at a floral boutique or some equally boring place.

Really... my mother can be so bizarre sometimes. But, I guess she's more or less right. But, only about the feminine thing. I haven't done anything really feminine in... a long, long time. Except, if you look at giggling over that damned Uchiha, feminine. Honestly... I have no idea what I see in that kid. He is cold, ruthless, unemotional- hell- he might as well be a block of ice! Talk about ice queen behavior. Only if he wasn't oh-so-sexy...

I've decided that today, I would turn over a new leaf. I wouldn't be the giggling, annoying fangirl that always chased him around. No, today I, Sakura Haruno, will not chase Sasuke any longer. Despite my true feelings for him, I've waited two damn years for that Uchiha brat. Hell, I even think he might be incest with his unhealthy obsession with his brother. Killing his brother- sure... who knows what lies beneath that cold, calm exterior?

Come to think of it... I really must concentrate on my training. I am still a Genin. A GENIN! I failed the Chuunin exams due that annoying Ino-pig and two years have passed since then. I'm just always too lazy to do it. Damn, I really need some willpower. I really can't look at everyones backs anymore. It bugs the hell out of me. I mean, how many times have I stared at that super annoying symbol on Sasuke's back? I still can't figure out why the great wealthy rich Uchiha clan of Konoha cannot afford to get a designer or something and have a better family symbol! I don't even know what it is! It looks like a cross between one of those Pokeball things, on that lame show, Pokemon and a fan. And the orange-ness of Naruto's clothes? I think that one day it will drive me insane! Argh, I swear. Today, I just felt like ripping their clothes off their backs. But I didn't, thankfully, although the voice inside my head was going all like: "RIP IT OFF! RIP IT OFF!"

Oh. My. Gosh. I have just realized just how stupid that sounds. Like I'm schizo or something, which I assure you, I am not. My mental health and stability is one hundred percent healthy, thank you very much. In fact, I would say that my mind is one of my best assets. Besides being astonishingly beautiful.

Oh, who am I kidding? I am so not beautiful. In fact, I'd say that I'm almost funny-looking! With my pink hair, which is one hundred percent natural, and my green, green eyes. I look like some sort of plant! Compared to Ino-Pig and her normal-ness, I definitely stick out. And I wouldn't say that I stuck out in a pleasant way. More like a sore thumb. Even Kakashi-sensei tells me this.

"Sakura", he says, crinkling that annoying mask of his, "You really are something else."

He only tells me this when I've smacked Naruto hard enough to send him through two trees. Or when I kick Sasuke hard enough to actually make him LOOK at me. You know, two years ago, I would've never ever dared kicked Sasuke. But now, just looking at that annoying smirk on his face makes me want to stick my fist out and break his stupid-looking face.

I guess you can say that I fell out of love with him. In fact, I would say that I really don't love anyone anymore. Outside of my family, of course- I'm not that inhumane. Two years ago, when I'd see him talking with another girl and another girl talking to him- I'd die of jealousy. I'd rage inside and then I'd pummel Naruto because that's almost always the moments that he chooses to show up. Uninvited, I might add. But now, it's like meh. Talk to whoever you want, Sasuke-bastard!

Two years ago, Sakura Haruno would've not risk dirtying her dress, her hair, her perfect nails during some mission. She would've stayed behind as always, crying of fear. Shaking of fear. Because that was the way she was. Two years ago.

The Sakura Haruno now, does not care for her image. Her pink hair was kept short- a symbol of her crushing her vanity. She wears black now. In fact, you could almost confuse her with a goth. And why the heck am I talking about myself in the third person? Makes ME question my mental health status sometimes...

But anyways, the truth is... I'm not the little, naïve, innocent little girl anymore. The one, who wears her heart on her sleeve, always believing what everyone told her. Not ever thinking of the fact that perhaps... that everyone had lied to her. About her being. About her existence. About whether she was actually a dead weight or not.

"Oh, no, Sakura-chan! You're not a dead weight to us! I can't imagine Team 7 without you!" cried Naruto of absolute outrage when I had asked him that question. Sasuke didn't even answer, just gave a little humph and a glance. Kakashi-sensei didn't even bother answering. He just gave me a questioning look and continued on reading that dirty, dirty book. (And might I add.. I feel like breaking his face everytime I see him read it. And when he's always so late! It's really terrifying how such a high-level Jounin such as Kakashi-sensei, has absolutely no sense of punctuality.)

But I knew it. Deep down inside, no matter how much Naruto feels that he loves me (which I might add, he really doesn't- it's only denial.), he knows that I really am a dead weight. My stamina is low- I could've barely survived an attack by a group of kids who had just graduated from the academy! All I have is my intelligence and my looks. It WAS all that I had.

But now it's different. Now I'm different. And I just hope that everyone can realize just how much I have changed and acknowledge me for being a shinobi. No, a kunochi- a killing machine. Until then, that's all I have to say.

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A/N- Well, I hope that all of you liked that! I know it's a bit short but I've been busy with school lately. Thankfully that I have a 3 day week this week (HELL YEA!!!) so I'll be able to put up another chapter or two.. if I'm lucky. Lol. So review please!!


	2. The Man Whom She Loved

This is the Story of a Girl 

Hey everyone- I'm back again! Wow! Two updates in two days. I'm so proud. Lol. Well.... Anyways, let's get on with it!

Act 2: The Man Whom She Loved

_All I know_

_Is that everything is not as it seems _

_But the more I grow_

_The less I know_

_And I have lived so many lives_

_Though I'm not old_

_And the more that I seed_

_The less I grow _

_The fewer the seeds_

_The more I grow_

_Then I see you standing there_

_Wanting more from me_

_And all I can do is try _

_Then I see you standing there _

_Wanting more from me_

_And all I can do is try... _

- Nelly Furtado

_**July 19th**_

You know... there are times that I wonder why I ever loved him. What I saw in him. Why I was so stupid to be willing to give everything up for one man, who's sole goal in life was revenge. Today was one of those days...

So, like I said, a lot has changed in two years. Many things- things that were thought impossible became possible. Things like, Ino finally giving up on Sasuke and going her separate ways with Shikamaru and Neji finally giving up on that main-house-branch-house shit. You know, him and Hinata actually became pretty good friends, as unbelievable as it may seem.

And me. I have changed too. I admit- I'm still the petty, narrow-minded, arrogant girl with pink hair that I've always been. But, one thing was missing and that was my vanity. No longer did I spend an hour in front of the mirror doing my hair, or doing my nails... et.c I left my hair short to remind me of that time during the Chuunin exams in which I've actually dirtied my hands and fought. Now, this may sound a little barbaric but I liked it.. I liked the feeling of fighting for the right reasons. I liked the feeling that during this battle, my life may end. I liked the rush of adrenaline running though my veins- feeding me more chakra than I had and the feeling of success when that one sound geek had fallen into my trap.

I admit- the thing about my life ending was kind of sadistic and morbid and depressing., and might make you think that I'm suicidal, which I assure you, I am In no way about to take my own life. But, I'm just saying- that everything is more beautiful when it has an ending. Like a fairy tale and it's happy ending. You only get to live once, after all.

So anyways... Sasuke and Naruto are now Jounins. Incredible, I know. And, I don't even know why we're still doing those missions together. Honestly, two Jounins with one mere Genin. That's actually pretty sad, if you actually think about it, since Jounins could go on A missions to track down some random loser who likes blood just a tad too much. It's really weird how the Hokage, Tsunade-sama, decided to keep us in our original groups.

"Helps the mind and heart." She says.

I wonder what that had meant. So anyways, today during training, I went up to Kakashi-sensei to talk about what I was going to do for the Chuunin exam next month. Since I wanted to become a Chuunin, I had to get my sensei's approval and I had to get him to nominate me. To tell you the truth, I was pretty nervous because Kakashi-sensei was rather unpredictable. Hopefully, since I have been showing more interest and participation in training in the last year or so, I have become strong enough for me to attend the Chuunin exam. Alone. Without Naruto. Without Sasuke, protecting me. I wasn't too sure if he would actually agree to it.

So, I went up to him, all casually, like I had nothing important to talk to him about and just sat beside him, while he's still reading that dirty, dirty book. I have told you that every time that I saw him reading that book, I wanted to break his face right? Well, it took most of my willpower not to. Since I wanted to leave a good impression and all, right?

So before I had even opened my mouth to ask him about it, he was all, "So Sakura, do you want to be nominated for the Chuunin exam next month?" And then he does that little smirk that he always does when he thinks that nobody was looking.

I was speechless- I didn't know what to say. So I just kind of sat there and looked down on my black pants and twiddling my thumbs. Then, Kakashi-sensei appeared right in front of me and asked me: "Well, are you going to give me an answer or not?"

"Umm.. yeah. Sensei- I really want to try this. I mean, please! I'm not the girl that I was two years ago. I can do it! Even without Naruto and Sasuke. Ple-" I rushed.

"No need to say anymore. I just hope you're up to it. This year's exam is different than all the others- it's alot tougher,  to say the least." warned Kakashi., with that same little annoying smirk.

I didn't care. Really, I didn't, whether it was going to be arduous or life threatening.. or what. I didn't care. All I could think about was how happy I was to be finally be given this chance to show everyone just how strong the fragile little Sakura has gotten. And so, the best way I thought to thank Kakashi-sensei was to give him a big hug. Actually... I did more than that. I also screeched my lungs out and ran over to him to hug him, tripping over a tree root in the process. But in the end, my goal was met.

And that's when happy hour ended...

You see, when a guy with as big a ego as Sasuke, hears that his female teammate has been nominated for the Chuunin exam without anybody supervising her, he gets pissy. Pissy as in P.M.S-pissy and really, I didn't feel like I was up for it. So, when he hears this piece of news, his eyes turn all hard and unfeeling and everything. Then he says "Sensei, I think you should reconsider your decision."

This totally shocked me. I was like "Oh. My.. God. You complete retard. What the hell do you think you're doing?"

He looks at me with this annoyed glance and then the next few words that come out of his sorry mouth made me pissed off. Like, really pissed off.

"I'm protecting you. You know you can't pass that exam! With your skills- you're most likely to get killed! This is for your own good."

So, Naruto cuts in and says "Leave her alone, Sasuke-bastard. She can pass the test if she wants to! Right, Sakura-chan?"

"Oh shut up, dobe. You know she can't survive it." Replies Sasuke with this super cold voice.

"No, you shut up, Sasuke-bastard! You should have some faith in your teammate!!" growled Naruto.

And on they went. I didn't really hear the rest of it- I was just too pissed for words. The words that he said just kept on repeating and repeating in my head. Then. I snapped.

"You incredibly selfish piece of shit. Who the hell do you think you are giving me orders? Listen, Mr-I'm-So-Cool-I-Don't-Need-Anyone, I don't need you, Naruto or Kakashi-sensei protecting me. I can do it myself! And for the record- CHANGE YOUR CLOTHES!! If you ever say that to me again- I swear, I will break your ugly face." I spat.

Sasuke just looks at me with this blank stare. Then, he smirks that stupid as-if-you-could-I'm-too-sexy smirk of his, which really made me lose it.

At that precise moment, I just couldn't handle it anymore. I walked straight up to that bastard and wiped that smirk off his face, while my inner self was screaming "TAKE THAT, BITCH!".

I guess he was too surprised that I actually DARED to SLAP the damn kid. As if. My feelings for that kid are so two years ago. Then, I ran. I ran like the wind carried me. Ran far, far, far away from the people who I thought trusted most. From HIM. The stupid ass who I so foolishly wasted so many years of my life on. Whom, I've actually confessed my love for- just to make him stop before he makes the decision that he regretted most. And that's how he repays me. By showing me just how much he believes in me. Yes, Sasuke-KUN- you are a very good friend.

And this leads me to the reason as to why I'm sitting here in a hospital room, scribbling in this. Oh yea, I think I forgot to mention that I somehow managed to get stuck in this hospital room. Again. Only- It's me who's injured this time. I'm not here visiting that bitch and cutting all those freakin' apples that he just throws around when he's all male-PMS-y.

God, as if I could forget that moment. He was still in bed after he tried to foolishly take on Itachi, a battle that he lost. I was still in love and all mush when he would just look at me. I was cutting up those apples so that he could eat them, when he finally woke up from his comatose state. I was hoping that he would fall in love with me and treat me like a princess when he found out that I never left his side. Unfortunately, fairy tales are just fairy tales and Sasuke is just another cold-hearted bitch.

Anyways, back to my story. I was running far away from them, until I came to memorial for all the fallen ninjas. I don't know what took over me but just standing there, with the bodies of all those brave ninjas who fought for a brave and honorable reason and the cherry blossoms blowing in the wind.. just made me break down. So I was on the ground, sobbing hysterically, when suddenly I hear this sleazy voice behind me say, "Wow, she's a cute one. Hmm.. couldn't we just take her back as some sort of a battle prize?"

I snapped my head back and my eyes fell upon the ugliest specimen of men I have ever seen in my life. And this is qute remarkable because I assure you, I have seen more than my share of ugly guys in my life. Like Zabuza, those sound geeks... etc- you get the point. But man, were these people UGLY! In fact, they looked kind of creepy. They all looked more or less the same, with those yellow cat-eyes and pointy teeth- I shudder when I think back about their faces. But, what really caught my eye, was when I saw those weapons they were carrying. Huge-ass knives, katanas... they looked like rogue ninjas. Or, some people who were about to attack Konoha. So it was just me and them and Konoha. As I gaze upon the memorial, I remembered all the honorable men who had died in battle. I remembered all the men who had sacrificed their lives for Konoha and Sasuke-bastard, the man who would sacrifice everything for power. I closed my eyes and fumed secretly. I would not become somebody like that. I will not and I have never been and I will never be somebody like that.

So, with a smirk, I called out "What do you mean by battle? If this here was a battle of looks, I think that I would've won the second anyone would lay their eyes on you."

The men blinked, as if they didn't comprehend what I had said. I smirked. So they were the type that thought with their muscles- stupid meatheads, they ought to learn that not every battle can be won with brute power.

Finally, the men smiled evilly to each other and said, "Let's have a little warm-up, before we destroy that village."

Then, five of them jumped...

Unfortunately, that's all I remember. I don't recall any of the details in battle, except that I was running on adrenaline alone. A few times, I thought to myself, if I die here, who would remember me? But then, I shook that silly thought out of my head. I wasn't the weak girl anymore. I was strong and this will be my first test to show it. Even if I die, I cannot let these men go into Konoha. If I can't do this, there's no freakin way I would be able to pass the Chuunin exam. I will do this for me.

And that always gave me more energy to fight. It gave me hope when there was none. All I could do was rely on my talents, my skills and my knowledge. In the end, it paid off. As I gazed upon the five men, lying in their blood, I smiled. I have passed the first test. I have proven myself worthy and then I passed out.

Just you wait, Sasuke-bastard. I will prove you wrong, and when I do- you will be kissing my ass so hard that I will laugh and crush you instead.


	3. Perfect?

This is the Story of a Girl 

Hey people! Thanks soo much to AnmeFreakPerson, Xoni Newcomer, Kira-924 and RedLotusNin for reviewing the first two chappies! I love you guys! You guys are awesome, amazing, wonderful! Lol. Well... I hope you guys enjoy the third chappie.

**Note to RedLotusNin**: I so totally know what you're talking about! It makes me pissed off too! I don't know.. sometimes I find Sakura really stupid for always crying over him... But- just so you know before you flame me- Sakura probably will cry once or twice in this fic.

**Note to everybody: **Because of my indecisiveness... I have not yet determined the pairing for this fic. There's going to be ShikaIno for sure. But that's about it. I'm seriously doubting some SasuSaku right now because he's just such an asshole in this fic! But.. who knows?

Act 3: Perfect?

_'Cause we lost it all _

_Nothing lasts forever_

_I'm sorry _

_I can't be perfect _

_Now it's just too late and _

_We can't go back _

_I'm sorry _

_I can't be perfect.. _

- Simple Plan

_**July 20th** _

I am so angry that I cannot even explain it. I feel like screaming, ripping somebody's head off, killing- ARGH! The doctors are all like "Oh.. you must stay in bed! You had a traumatizing experience last night! We cannot let you out- blah blah blah.. "

What I should right now, if you ask me, instead of lying uselessly in this stupid hospital bed and watching people give me looks of pity, is to go and hunt down that damned Uchiha brat and scratch his eyes out. I don't even give a crap whether he is the last Uchiha left in Konoha. I don't care whether he is one of the most sought-after bachelor with millions of fan-girls. Frankly- I don't even give a crap what they'll do to me after I make their "beloved Sasuke-kun" fucking blind.

Because right now, I am so fucking P.O'ed. I am so angry that I will explode. And it could happen. Nobody has ever managed to explain the cause behind spontaneous combustion. I can only imagine if the person is angry enough, and her chakra has risen inside her body, then... BOOM! Yes. That's right I will go BOOM if they don't let me out of here and commit that damn brat's murder!

But unfortunately, when I explained this to the nurse who is currently tending to me right now, she just smiled as if I was some cute 12-year-old. Like, hello? I am a 14-year-old who is currently awaiting her death by spontaneous combustion while the only person who can save me from this thinks that I am telling her a joke. Puh-leeze. I seriously doubt that when somebody lying on her deathbed is telling a lie. The nurse sure thinks so, though.

Geez... what do I have to do to make you people listen to what I have to say? This is making me even angrier than before! This is not safe! Not safe to me, or any patient in the hospital. If only they would let me out and commit Uchiha's murder, I swear I will be a good girl and return to my bed and rest. I swear! However, when I told the nurse this, she just looked at me with a raised eyebrow as if I was crazy. But then I didn't even get a chance to convince her to let me out when Kakashi-sensei came in.

"Hello, Sakura." He says, as if this was some normal, happy, sunny day (which it wasn't, I could see the clouds from outside my window. )

I turned away. I did not feel like talking right now. Especially to Kakashi-sensei because I am afraid that the verbal diarrhea will come out and I will swear and yell and scream and... yea. You get the point.

Then he looks at me with a raised eyebrow (what is with everybody and their eyebrows?!!?) as if to question why I was ignoring him so openly. He ran his hand through his silver hair and sighed.

"Sakura, why are you ignoring me?" he asks, as if he had NO idea why I should be so pissed off at him.

I snapped my head back and caught his eye in my eyes. I shot him a death glare and then... my plot to remain completely silent totally failed me right then and there.

"Geez, sensei. I have no Idea why I would be ignoring you! Maybe it's because... of oh, I don't know, the fact that you let that retarded Uchiha brat string you along into not nominating me for the Chuunin exam? Maybe it's because that I am sitting in the stupid hospital bed right now, instead going after that bitch and scratching his stupid I-can-see-through-anything-Sharingan eyes out for being so nosy?"

Kakashi-sensei looked quite taken back at my words. Ha. I bet that he thought that I was asleep, didn't he? Maybe he wasn't as observing as I though he was.

"Saku-" he started with this guilty look on his face.

I cut him off.

"Listen, sensei. I don't really care if you don't believe in me or not. I don't care if Sasuke-bastard doesn't believe in me. What really kills me is that fact that you two have the NERVE to make a decision concerning MY future without consulting me. What about what I want? What about my feelings? You never paid any attention to me- admit it. You didn't. All you cared about was Sasuke and Naruto. Well, excuse me if I wasn't born into an advanced bloodline or if I don't harbor incredible amounts of chakra like Naruto. I'm me and that's all I'll ever be. And I would really appreciate it if once in a while, someone could accept that fact and realize that I'm can't be compared to Sasuke or Naruto."

I paused for a second and then continued my speech.

"I'm really sorry that I was so in love with Sasuke that I forgot about my training or my strength. I'm sorry that he left the village and I couldn't stop him. I'm sorry that everyone who got sent out to retrieve him got hurt. Oh yea, I am the most sorry for realizing that I had wasted two years of my life on him and he still ends up hurting me. I really am. I'm sorry that Naruto and Sasuke are stronger than me. I'm sorry I'm not the perfect addition to the perfect team that you have imagined. I AM SORRY THAT I AM A DEAD WEIGHT! I'M SORRY THAT EVERYONE FEELS LIKE THEY HAVE TO PROTECT ME!! I AM EXTREMELY AND UTTERLY SORRY IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY THIS SPEECH. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, KAKASHI-SENSEI? I DO NOT GIVE A CRAP. I DO NOT CARE WHETHER YOU WON'T NOMINATE ME FOR THE CHUUNIN EXAM BECAUSE I AM SICK OF YOU. I AM SICK OF SASUKE'S LACK OF COMPASSION! SO PLEASE, IF YOU WILL, GET OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW BEFORE I BREAK YOUR FACE. AND THAT'S A PROMISE!!!" I hollered.

God. Who does he really think is? Walking into this room as if he cares about me but he really doesn't. Once you think about it- nobody really does. You know, as I lie here alone, scribbling in this- I realize just how many burdens Naruto has to carry. I realize just how hard life is and I am truly sorry for all the pain I caused him. Honestly- everything in this world may change but Naruto will never change. No matter what happens to me, no matter how harsh the words I say to him, no matter how hard I smack him... He is always there, the one thing that I can truly count on.

Geez.. now I'm crying again. God... I am so sorry, Naruto. I am so utterly, completely sorry for everything. And this time I mean it. I really do. I think that was the most sincere apology that I have ever made in my entire life. When I finally get out of here, which is in two days, I think I will go treat Naruto to ramen and ignore all of the stares that people send me. Because, frankly, I don't care- if they can accept such an unfeeling bastard like Uchiha, who deserves none of their attention, I don't see why they can't accept Naruto...


	4. Friendship Lasts Forever

This is a Story of a Girl 

Hello, hello! Well... this is my fourth chappie of this fic. So far it's going good! But I have no idea what I want from it. So- no idea where it's going.. Just going along with the flow I guess. I have an idea for the pairing... But I am so not going to tell you people. Lol. Ok. Maybe I will.. just to get you guy's input on this whole thing. I'm thinking maybe Sakura x OC? Or Sakura x Gaara? No offence or anything but the whole thing with Sasuke is just dead. D-E-A-D in this fic. No matter how much I love SasuSaku- I must sacrifice it. And KakaSaku is really wrong right now. Especially since Sakura is 14. That's my age and I really don't want her to date some thirty-year-old man even if he is as sexy as Kakashi.

So Sakura x OC? Sakura x Gaara? Sakura x Naruto? Sakura x Neji? Take a vote people! It's your lucky day- I'm feeling democratic! Although I think I'm just going to go with the Sakura x OC. Bleh. Such a tough decision.

So with my random blabbling finished.. I give you... chapter four!

Act 4: Friendship Lasts Forever

_You were everything I wanted_

_But I just can't finish what I started_

_There's no room on my back_

_It was damaged long ago_

_Though you swear that you are true_

_I still pick my friends over you..._

- New Found Glory -

THINGS TO DO: 

Treat Naruto to ramen.

Attempt to rekindle the friendship between Ino and I.

Find ways to secretly murder the Uchiha brat in his sleep.

TRAIN! 

Laundry must not forget- no clean underwear left!!!

_**July 21st** _

Naruto's appetite is amazing. Actually... Beyond amazing- It's unbelievable. I mean, you haven't seen a man eat until you've seen Naruto and his bowls of miso ramen. Thanks Naruto- now I'm broke.

There is nothing worst than being a pink-haired, flat-chested (oh, believe me. I am flat- I just measured this morning), broke GENIN, who has practically just eradicated from her team because of two stupid bastards (a.k..a Uchiha brat and Kakashi-sensei.) Great. My life is just great! Fantastic, really! Wait until Tsunade-sama hears about this.

I wonder how she'll take it. She always takes politeness-to-your-elders so seriously. I would too, if Naruto called me an old hag every time he saw me. On the bright side, today I finally got out of the hospital. One day early, I might add. What can I say? Revenge can do things to you.

Speaking of which... I haven't seen that Uchiha brat all day. I wonder if Kakashi-sensei warned him not to approach me. Ha! That's right! HIDE IN MY PRESENCE BUT I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN LIKE A BIRD DOES TO ITS PREY! Whatever. I have better things to do than to think about what HE'S doing right now.

So anyways... I saw Naruto this morning and I treated him to ramen. Big mistake, on account of the fact that I am now broke and Naruto's probably somewhere with a huge stomach ache with the amount of ramen he's eaten today. Honestly- that kid could die one day because of constipation or diarrhea! Hmm.... Maybe I should go make him something healthier to eat? Like a burger or something- just so he can get the four food groups and because I still feel guilty with the way that I've treated him. Well, you know what they say, "Tame the man by his stomach."

So, we were both eating our ramen, when all of a sudden Naruto asks me this really stupid question.

He asked, "Sakura-chan, do you still love Sasuke-bastard?", while twiddling his thumbs with a depressed look on his face.

Puh-leeze. Do I still have feelings for that kid? Of course I do. Only they're feelings of extreme and deep hate unlike the previous feelings of love and mushiness. When I told Naruto this, he brightened up so much that it wasn't even funny. Even I had to smile at this. But then, of course, being Naruto, he just had to say the next thing: "YAY! SAKURA-CHAN HATES SASUKE-BASTARD! NOW SHE'S ALL MINE! MINE, MINE, MINE!!"

Which, then resulted in a big slap across the face. You'd think that after all these years that he might smarten up a little. But then... he's Naruto. What can you expect? Besides.... He might claim that he loves me but he really doesn't. It's just.. a crush. A simple, little crush. Nothing serious like true love. I hope that one day, he might wake up from dream that he has of us getting married because let me tell you- that isn't going to happen. Not in a million years. No way. Zero chance at all.

You might wonder why. But the answer is simple- I suspect that he might have feelings for Hinata underneath it all. Maybe all he needs is a little guidance towards the right direction and VOILA! Perfect couple numero deux created by me, Ms. Sakura to think about it.... They would actually make an incredibly adorable couple! And I know for sure that Hinata is head over heels in love with Naruto- I can so tell. With the way she twiddles her thumbs when he's around, how she always turn bright red, her stuttering.... Aww..... Just thinking about them makes me excited. Then... the solid piece of evidence that Hinata loves Naruto- she confessed to me, herself.

I have decided! I, Sakura Haruno, have taken to a new mission in... MATCHMAKING! Watch my supreme skills as I become the Cupid of Konoha! Naruto and Hinata... just you wait.

_**Later...**_

Well. I see that news in Konoha travel fast. Very fast. False news too, in fact. You know- it seems like everybody in Konoha has nothing better to do than listen to some loser tell everyone that I treated Naruto to ramen. Great. I bet you they're going: "Ohh... Do you think they did it? They are so young! But then, you can never tell with that Naruto. But Sakura? I would've never guessed?" Puh-leeze. Get over it.

Besides... what do they think I am? Some sort of sap who will screw whoever she meets? Excuse me... but I am still a virgin! That's right- I still have my innocence and to tell you truth, I have no intention of ever losing it. Until my wedding night, of course- if I do get married in the first place which I highly doubt because what kind of a loser would want to marry a pink-haired, broke, flat-chested Genin who has absolutely no sex appeal at all? When I told Ino this, she just looked at me blankly for a second and started laughing her ass off.

Thanks Ino- that was just the biggest boost to my self confidence that I have ever had. But then she told me how silly I was to think that I was ugly.

"We all have our insecurities." She said.

Yeah. Sure. Insecurities. My insecurities are just more on the reality side. I mean, come on. When I looked in to the mirror, all I see is this pale girl with short pink hair and green eyes. When you look at her closely, you will be able to see how plant-like she looks. I look like a freakin plant! Now, I don't know if you consider plant people attractive in your culture but I know that people in my culture sure don't. I mean... are you crazy?

When I questioned Ino about her sanity, she just started laughing all over again. Geez.... You'd think that with the number of laughs I was getting each day, I should just quit being a shinobi and pursue a career in comedy. Can't you see it?

"Hi. My name is Sakura Haruno and I am a plant person."

And then everybody in the crowd would laugh their asses off and toss dollars on the stage and that would end my broke-ness. As if.

"You know, Sakura.. I really missed you." Ino said with a sad look in her eyes.

That totally snapped me out of my reverie of being a filthy rich comedian. My eyes widened a bit. I mean, this was INO we're talking about. Ino doesn't admit mistakes- she usually just yells at you until you admit that you're wrong, even If you were right. And so, she just walked into my house and tells me all about what the people are saying about Naruto and I and then she pulls this one on me. Wow- talk about a way to make an apology.

But honestly... I felt kind of good. I mean, I haven't had a proper female friend since... Hinata but I haven't seen her all that often because she usually has do to something for the Main branch of the Hyuuga house. I felt kind of relieved when Ino told me that she missed me because.. well... to tell you the truth... I miss her too. There was only one Ino and she was really quite loveable under all those temper tantrums and toughness. Like, I used to remember all the times when she'd come after school and we'd play G.I Jane or something. And how we used to tell our deepest, darkest secrets to each other. I really missed that. Maybe my mom was right when she said that I had an extreme lack of femininity in my life.

I realized that I must've zoned out a bit when Ino was just staring at me, a bit bewildered on why I wasn't giving her a response.

"Well... to tell you the truth- I miss you too! I mean, who would I gossip with? Who would I play G.I Jane with? I miss those times and it was really stupid on how it was all because of that Uchiha brat." I replied.

Then, tears started winding up in her eyes. "Please.. Don't cry!", I prayed. Because honestly... I had no idea what do to if she started crying on me. I started praying and praying and praying and still... all my efforts were wasted when the waterworks started. All I could really do was sit there and hug her.

After a while, after the tears subsided, we managed to have a normal talk about stuff and that's when I learned that she and Shikamaru were getting serious. Well... I was expecting it since she and him had been together for two years but still. It's kind of freaky when they're only fourteen and thinking about marriage. Yeah. That's it. They were thinking about being married.

With him being a Jounin and all, there's not a very big chance that he would even live to be 25, she explained. Therefore, in Ino-logic, now would be the perfect time to get married.

That kind of freaked me out. Like, no offence or anything, but you're talking to a girl who hasn't talked about marriage, romance and fluffy things like that for a long time. Instead of talking about the girly things which are now like strangers to me, I have been talking about battle strategies, how to amputate when necessary, the reserves of chakra, bloody battles and strategizing on how to kill other people. So naturally, I have become unaccustomed to this.

So, my natural response to when Ino asked me about what she should do was perfectly acceptable: "Um... I don't know."

Then she just glares at me as if I didn't really care about her love life- which I did but I just don't quite understand, if you know what I mean. Then I had to go on and explain about how I couldn't help her anyway because I had no love life of my own.

Oh. My. God. I have no love life of my own. It is one thing to be completely flat-chested, broke AND pink-haired but to not have a love life either? How can life be so cruel? I just realized the minimal experience that I have had with guys. No guy has ever looked at me in a I-want-to-be-more-than-a-friend way except for Lee. That's a completely different story considering the fact that now Lee and I are very good friends and all his romantic feelings for me in the past are now vanished. But that's besides the point. Oh god. I really need to get a boyfriend. Now I totally see what my mother meant by being eaten by the evil masculinities.

When I told Ino this, she gasped and for once- somebody finally understands my horror. She told me that with this rate, I would never get laid until I'm thirty, which according to her was a very, very bad thing. I could care less about getting laid. It's just my sanity that bugs me. As I read over my journal, I have realized that I am becoming more and more Uchiha-brattish every single day. That is not meant to be taken as a compliment. Oh lord. I think I need a personality make-over.

However, I didn't seem to notice the fact that I was thinking out loud, which gave Ino the advantage of hearing my despairs. She looked at me and smiled that devilish Ino smile and said, "We're going shopping."

With that, she pulled me off my couch and out the door. The rest, as you can imagine is a horror story that must never be repeated. (Which I will tell another day.)

Gosh, can you get anymore unlucky as me?


	5. The Horrors of Shopping

This is a Story of a Girl 

Oh. My. God! So many people updated! I'm so incredibly happy! Thank you all! I love you guys soo much! (Tears of joy)

**Note to Dannie-Chan: **Hmm... I don't know if I'm going to put a Neji x Sakura. You know what? I just might be evil and put a triangle in there. Or better... a LOVE SQUARE! Muahahahahahaha... how would you like that, eh?

**Note to Dragon's Shadow:** Thanks for your input- I really appreciate it! And Naruto x Sakura? Hmm... it seems to be very popular. Lol. We'll see how the story will work itself out.

**Note to Destiny1029**: NaruSaku again! Wow, this is a popular pairing! However... I'm just thinking of major NaruSaku friendship You think that would work for you too?

**Note to AnimeFreakPerson:** Muahahahahaha... about the OC- he is super duper important to the plot so there will be an OC in this. Just not sure if he is going to be Sakura's love interest, if you know what I mean. You know- just to make things more complicated I might even throw Itachi in there.

**Note to RedLotusNin**: Hmm... so you don't want SakuNeji, eh? I don't know about that either... But then.. read the note to Dannie-Chan. SakuGaara? Not sure yet... and sorry to disappoint other readers but there is for sure, for sure going to be an OC in this fic. But again- it's not yet determined whether he is going to end up as Sakura's love interest.

**Note to everyone:** I KNOW! How about I introduce you to my OC first and you guys can decide whether you like him or not? Be kind please- my very first OC- he's still a baby!

Now... let's get on with it.

--------Insert border here-----------

Act 5: The Horrors of Shopping

_LU LA LU LA _

_The piano is a melody in the world's field of blooming dreams _

_Believe in the broken clock and who's side will time be on? _

_Why is my heart waiting so much for that tender-hearted someone?_

_Tell me a wonderful future _

_MOONLIGHT, MOONLIGHT, SLEEPIN'_

_LU LA LU LA_

_The girl of awakenings will kiss the apple of memories and_

_In a book opened with sorrow and long_

_The bell meant for both of us will ring _

_Because I want to hold you tight, my dear one _

_Don't cry anymore _

_GOODBYE SADNESS _

_The words on the mysterious cake read: Soramimi Cake _

_W__ONDERLAND! _

_Welcome to you!_

_FAIRYLAND!_

_It's the magic of love_

_LOVE ALL THE WAY_

_Everyday, the temptations of wheat.. so fluffy!_

_CARE FOR YOU!_

_Eat, for tonight is.. _

_TEA FOR YOU!_

_A tea-party in the constellations _

_The chorus of angels at the window is to you, _

_Just your ear playing tricks? _

_The voice saying: " I love you, I love you"_

_LU LA LU LA_

_To the piano, the world is a tiny melody that is dreaming dreams _

_A waltz of prayers overflows from the fingers_

_And it feels oh-so-nice.. _

_My heart is always honest_

_A quiet greeting of sleep_

_Because it is a secret wish_

_HOLY, HOLY WHISPER!_

_LU LA LU LA_

_Everywhere the stove_

_Even the cresent moon _

_Rains down from the heavens_

_Is thawing and giving_

_A HUG to the freezing traveler_

_A__ path of light in the clean air_

_If I walk along without straying_

_WELCOME PLEASURE_

_The words appeared in the eyes that read: Soramimi Cake_

_WONDERLAND!_

_Welcome to you!_

_FAIRYLAND!_

_The joys of love _

_LOVE'S ALL THE WAY!_

_Everyday, the adventures of wheat_

_So exciting... _

_CAKE FOR YOU!_

_A simple happiness_

_TEA FOR YOU! _

_With a big smile_

_The chorus of angels at your window is to you_

_Just your ears playing tricks?_

_The voice saying: " I love you, I love you"_

- Soramimi Cake -

TOP TEN REASONS WHY I SHOULD NEVER GO SHOPPING WITH INO AGAIN

10. When Ino says, "We're going to go shopping.", it's probably not the best idea to follow her because what she really meant was, "We're going to give you a makeover."

9. When she drags you out of the house to a lingerie store, it's probably better to run right then and there, instead of following her like an idiot. Because, once you get in, three assistants come out of nowhere and jump you because supposedly Ino had already called them and told them that you needed extreme assistance. Then, they drag you into one of those changing rooms and strips you naked, all while staring down at your chest as if to determine what those tiny anthills sticking out from your body are really meant to be breasts.

8. You make a complete fool out of yourself when you come out of the changing room with your arms full of push-up bras, panties and thongs. Then, you somehow manage to trip over your feet and everything in your pile flies up. Now, because of the law of gravity, when bras, panties, and thongs fly up, it tends to fall down. Unfortunately for me, it fell down on somebody. A very important person, in fact, it was the Hokage of Konoha- Tsunade-sama.

It is very important that you realize, that when the Hokage of Konoha gets bombed in the head by a 32A push-up bra, she does not get very angry. She gets really, frikken angry. And when she gets really, frikken angry, she also looks very, frikken scary. She then sees you on the ground, covered from head to toe in bras, thongs and panties and starts stuttering. When you are so frightened that she just might jump you and eat you, she starts laughing. She starts laughing. I'm not kidding here, she was laughing as if there was no tomorrow. Tears streamed down her face and her whole face turned red. I just stared up at her, wondering what was so funny.

Okay. I admit that seeing a girl sprawled on the ground, with so many undergarments covering her, could be quite funny. But it was nothing new. That's when I realized that I couldn't see very well. Not that I had a problem with my sight or anything, it was just that I could only see a quarter of Tsunade-sama. This led to my conclusion that there was something on my head- a very big something. So, naturally, I raised my hand to take it off my head.

That's when I realized that the very big something was actually a bra. A bra. A double D bra to be specific. So, how horrified was I when I realized that a cup of the double D bra, that was sitting on my head, was actually big enough to cover it? Very.

I mean, you try waking up one day knowing that somebody's BOOB is as big as your head. Now, try telling me that it wouldn't give you nightmares. Now, I could actually see why Tsunade-sama was laughing so hard. Great. I was humiliated in front of my Hokage. That is so great. Excellent, really.

7. After you fall down and you end up with a double D bra on your head in front of your Hokage, you tend to think that things could not get worse. Unfortunately, when you said this to yourself, you just jinxed yourself. Because you were broke from treating ramen to Naruto, you'd think that that was a justifiable cause to not buy any bra, thong or panty. Unfortunately, Ino pulls out this credit card that you could only identify as being your mothers, on account of the fact that it had her name written on it. Then, you realize in horror, that it was your mom and Ino who had planned this entire outing. You realize that you had just been betrayed by your own _**MOTHER**_. So, in the end, you lose yet another battle and had to buy all of the bras, panties and thongs that you had to try out.

6. She took me to get my hair done.

5. When I complain that I didn't need to get my hair done, on account of the fact that I had just got it cut, Ino just glares and me and issues a threat, "Sakura Haruno, if you do not go into that salon, I will leave scratch marks on your skin, so deep that they will turn into scars."

Then, she had to go and show me those nails, which are very, very long and freakish looking. I cowered in fear and surrender as Ino, once again, drags you into the salon.

Now, you might think that cutting hair is very easy. Cutting hair does not cause pain of any kind and that the hairstylists are perfectly stable and sane. Unfortunately, that is only the case in barbershops, where I used to get my hair cut. In the world of high-tech grooming, this was not the case.

First of all, I had to meet my new hairstylist. To get to know him and his sense of style, as Ino would say. However, I have met my new hairstylist and I have concluded that the man is one hundred percent insane and gay. Not that I have anything against gay people, it's just the thing with their visions. And I swear, you could see lightbulbs pop up in Pablo's eyes when he saw my pink hair.

"Perfect," he breathed, "Oh this is perfect!", while running his hands though my hair.

How would you feel if a man that you barely knew, with a name like Pablo, was running his hands through your hair non-stop, while moaning, "Perfect! Perfect! PERFECT!!"? Would you feel:

A) Terrified

B) Disgusted

C) Afraid that he might murder you in your sleep for your hair

D) All of the above

I chose d.

But, this was not the end. After groping./caressing my hair, Pablo sat me down in a chair and began washing it. You know, for a man who seems to have a fetish with my hair, you'd think he'd be very gentle with it. Very light and the whole experience would not have been that bad. But I guess that Pablo was one of those people who was really into things because he was practically ripping out my hair as he washed it.

"This is awapuhi." Said Pablo, as he squeezed half a bottle of awapu-thing in my hair.

A strange, vaguely fruity scent filled my nostrils. It was really quite good, actually. Smelled kind of like bananas. The good feeling only lasted for a second because the next second, Pablo seemed intent on rubbing the awapu-thing in my scalp. When he finally finished washing my hair, my scalp was red, aching and sore, my hair felt like it was going to fall off and the scent of awapu-thing was so strong that it was nearly suffocating me.

Just when you thought it was all over, Pablo says, "We're ready to cut." Then, he goes at my hair with ten different pairs of scissors and razors and whatever. I gasped in horror as I watched the many strands of pink hair fall to the ground. Great. I was flat-chested, betrayed by my own mother, broke and weak. Now I was going to be bald too. I just kind of tuned things out after that. It was too depressing to think about- I didn't even notice him putting the dye in my hair. Until it was too late.

4. Pablo dyed my hair. Well, not completely dyed it- he put streaks of red in it. But honestly... do you realize just how much poison is in hair dye? So many unknown chemicals- I could die! And, who knows just how far out Pablo is to get my hair. Somebody save me!

In addition to being nearly bald, I also have red and pink hair. Plant much?

3. She took me to get my makeup done. Makeup. In fact, I was so depressed over the plant thing that I didn't really care until one of them nearly poked my eye out with that pencil. Honestly- why do women do this to themselves? Very painful and a waste of time. After I got my eye makeup done, Ino kept on telling me to not rub my eye. I cannot help if I want to rub my eye- it's itchy. So, when Ino's back was turned, I had no choice but to rub my eye, seeing as how it was incredibly itchy. When she turned to look at me again, she glared and asked me if I had rubbed my eye.

And naturally, for the sake of my well-being, I denied it. Her gaze turned even harder as she accused me of lying. I guess my expression must've looked guilty but she then told me that she knew because there are black marks all over my face from the mascare thing. Great. Punishment for rubbing my eye- I now had to walk all over town to our next destination with black on half my face. Talk about a makeover nightmare.

2. Ino insists that everything looks good on me therefore; I spent a huge amount of money on clothes that I would never wear. To make it worse, I was forced to wear this white and pink sundress with these white shoes that I cannot take a single step in without falling. Stilettos, they're called. They are evil.

1. I can handle the shopping, the hair-washing, the hair-cutting, the hair-dying and the lingerie shopping. But the one thing that I absolutely cannot handle is what happened after our little shopping trip. They set me up with the Uchiha brat.

Thanks Mom, Thanks Ino- you've just set me up with my worst enemy.


	6. First Date

This is a Story of a Girl

Act 5: First Date

_In the car I just can't wait  
to pick you up on our very first date  
Is it cool if I hold your hand?  
Is it wrong if I think it's lame to dance?  
Do you like my stupid hair?  
Would you guess that I didn't know what to wear?  
I'm too scared of what you think  
You make me nervous so I really can't eat _

Let's go, don't wait, this night's almost over  
Honest, let's make this night last forever  
Forever and ever, let's make this last forever  
Forever and ever, let's make this last forever

-Blink 182-

**_July 22nd_**

Well, it's raining and I'm depressed. What better day for the continuation of the horror story that should only be told when it's raining? It's pretty ironic how it's raining the day after the whole disaster (which was yesterday). So… where did I leave off? Oh yes. This is the best part of the story, it really is. Just read this and you will never feel sorry for yourself again.

So I was standing there in that stupid, stupid pink and white sundress and those retarded shoes. I was attempting to walk while talking to Ino. That's when I realised that I was getting all these weird looks. So I turned around, as intelligently as I could in those dratted shoes, and realised that Ino was not behind me. As a matter of fact, she was nowhere to be seen. Then It finally hit me. I had been talking to AIR for the past fifteen minutes. I FINALLY realised that the reason that people was giving me weird looks was not because of being stunned by my beauty, but because that they thought that I was SCHIZO. Great. So not only my Hokage thinks that I'm crazy, but the entire population of my village thinks that I'm crazy. But wait.. this isn't the worst part. The worst part has yet to come.

You see…. After being totally humiliated in front of my fellow civilians, I tried to hurry along so I could avoid further embarrassment. Unfortunately, this was not the case because when you try to take big steps wearing stilettos, it only increases your chances of falling flat on your face. Now, when I tried to escape from my embarrassment, I ended up tripping over a rock and falling backwards. In movies, when the heroine trips, she usually gets saved by her soulmate or by her prince charming. Unfortunately, in my case, I get saved by a tall, handsome, stranger. At least I thought he was.

But no… If you are the girl with the worst luck in the entire world, your tall, handsome stranger usually turns out to be the man who you detest the most in the entire world. Yes. I got saved by the Uchiha brat. How ironic.

So, when I opened my eyes and hoped to look into a pair of warm, loving eyes and an unknown face of some random ninja that came from a village other than Konoha, I opened my eyes to stare into a pair of cold obsidian eyes and a handsome face that I knew too well. I think I must've looked pretty attractive then, with my eyes bugging out of my head and my mouth opened in horror. With the little shred of dignity that I had left, I picked myself up from his hold and stood up.

With a sharp look in my eyes, I demanded what he was doing there. And do you know what he said? Do you KNOW that came out of his STUPID, SEXY MOUTH? He said that I, ME OF ALL PEOPLE, called him there. Like, hello? Ignorant much? Does he not REALISE just HOW much I HATE him? Does he not REALISE just WHY I want to rip him apart with my bare hands? You know, for a class-A ninja, he sure is dense. This is the part when I start ranting and raving about how much I hate him but I cannot POSSIBLY put into words just HOW much I hate him right now. Of course, it was also then I realised the whole point of Ino's shopping trip. It was to set me up with the Uchiha brat.

You know how when you realise something, you kind of just block everything from around you? And it turns out that you miss something totally important? Like how the Uchiha brat took that moment to ask me to dinner? Then, you regain your senses and you get ready to reject him heartily and wait for the rejected look on his face, only to find that you're already sitting inside the restaurant? You end up looking like the complete idiot that you are and you have no choice but to eat with the person who you hate most in the world. Now, tell me how all this can happen to one girl. How can all this happen to me, who has done nothing but protect the people of the village? Oh dear. Maybe it's because of all the people I've killed. But they were evil! They were going to kill everybody else if I didn't kill them. Oh. My. God. Maybe I'm cursed. I knew it! I knew that one of the family members of those sound geeks would curse me for killing their brother or something! No wonder I'm so unlucky. I mean, come on, who can possibly be as unlucky as me? Who? I dare you to name one person who has the same amount of luck as me (which is next to zero).

But that's not the worst part of it. So, we were just sitting there at this fancy restaurant and quietly picking at our food when Sasuke decides to open his mouth and actually say something. You'd think that Sasuke would at least be polite to a girl that he was taking out for dinner. But noo… the genius and treasured Uchiha heir of Konoha insults his date instead. He told me that maybe I should consider getting a desk job instead of tagging along with him and Naruto on the dangerous missions.

When you get ambushed by disses while you are stuffing spaghetti down your throat, in order not to make conversation with the person you hate most; you usually end up choking on your spaghetti. Now, when you choke on spaghetti, your face usually turns purple and your eyes usually bug out and the people beside you will obviously think that you are dying of some strange and contagious disease. After you finally hack out all the bits of food that you were choking on, it is probably not the best idea to pick a fight with the treasured Uchiha heir of Konoha when he is surrounded by his millions and millions of fangirls, because when you do, they throw stuff at you. And by throwing stuff I do not mean stuffed animals or apples or eggs. They throw UTENSILS and PLATES. Yes, the raging, mad, insane pack of rabid fangirls tend to pick up all the forks, knives and other sharp objects that are available in the environment and THROWS them at YOU, who had so wrongly insulted their precious Sasuke-sama. According to them, that is.

So, you have no choice but to use your skills of extra training and dodge all of the flying objects that were aimed at your head. After you somehow MANAGE to survive the flying-utensils-attack, you get chased all around Konoha in shoes that you can barely walk in but you run anyway on account of the fact that you knew, that if they ever caught you, they would probably stab you with a pitchfork.

Tell me if that wasn't the best first date a girl could have. Just try telling me that. I have acquired one piece of vital, important information today. Fangirls are deadly- do not. I repeat. DO NOT piss them off. I will always remember this in the future. Always.


	7. A Loss of Womanhood?

**This is A Story Of A Girl **

**A/N: Sorry for the long wait, guys. I wasn't sure what I was going with this fic but now I'm pretty sure how I want it to be! Thanks for your constant support.**

**Act 7: Of Very Disturbing Matters- A Loss Of Womanhood? **

_How do you stop being on your own?_

_The heart is a girl's parachute_

_While waiting at the park, I realized_

_On my way home (a detour)_

_Dropping in (on everyone)_

_Is what I want to do_

-The Heart Is A Girl's Parachute-

**_July 30th_**

I am so shocked that i did not write in my journal (which is supposed to help me regain my feminity) for eight days. Now, what could've shocked me to such extents that I would willingly give up talking to myself? What terrible thing could possibly have forced me to accept the fact that I am going to be eaten by the evil masculinities that haunt my daily life?

Well… the whole thing is… THERE IS NO POINT ON ACCOUNT OF THE FACT THAT I AM NOT A GIRL ANY LONGER. Yes. That's right, folks. I, Sakura Haruno, the resident bald flat-chested plant person of Konoha has lost all rights to being a girl. Apparently, Tsunade-sama decided that _I_, of all people, would be absolutely _perfect_ to take up this exciting new mission that involves… Oh my god. I cannot even force myself to say this word out loud. Cr-cr-CROSS-FUCKING-DRESSING.

Don't get me wrong here. I am not against crossdressing at all. I honestly do not give a damn if there are men out there who like to dress themselves up all pretty and ladylike. Or if there are girls who like looking manly and butch (which is a very comfortable lifestyle, indeed). I don't even care that the men probably look better in a dress than I do! Okay. Maybe I do care about that last point. But that's not the issue, here. The whole issue is the fact that I have to pretend to be a boy. Why do I have to pretend to be a boy? Why can't she just get some other guy to do it? Preferably a real one? I cannot be a boy. It is impossible for me to be a boy. I have a hundred and one reasons on why Tsunade-sama has chose the wrong person and I can list them all here in this little book.

One- Even if I am as flat as an airport runway, my anthills cannot be mistaken as well-built pectorals.

Two- I am lacking body parts down there.

Three- My physique is far too delicate and frail to be one of a manly man.

Four- I have pink hair. Um.. Hello? Have you ever seen a man with pink hair? They have green hair, blue hair, blonde hair, brown hair, black hair, red hair but never pink hair. Well…With the exception of that singer from Bad Luck. But then he is a) a rock star and b) gay with the hottest soft porn author in the world. Not that I read them.. No, my virgin mind still remains innocent and pure without images or word-painted images of people humping like happy bunnies.

Five- My fingers are girly. So are my toes. Manly men do not have girly fingers or toes. They have gnarly toes and calloused fingers. This is a fact of life. If anybody should happen to steal a glance at my fingers or toes during the mission, my cover will be blown and hence… Tsunade-sama will not get the money and I will be slandered as a perverted siren for the rest of my life.

Six- Even if I look as if I have not entered puberty yet, I have. Therefore, once a month, I bleed out of my non-manly parts and become incredibly irritable and monster-like. Naruto (that twit) has nicknamed me the « Hulk » but he has no idea why I become the « Hulk » on account of his lack of maturity and brain cells.

Seven- Men smell bad when they are sweaty. I don't. I have yet to experience the symptoms of B.O hence my sweat smells like flowers.

Eight- Men take baths together, especially in an all-boys school. I do not wish to view any part of the anatomy that is usually censored in children's films. Excuse me for not having the hormones of a lioness in heat like Ino, who goes on and on about how supple and round Brad Pitt's butt was in Troy. Although, it was a nice view, I highly doubt that any other human being on this planet would have as nice and more roundly supple a butt like Brad Pitt's.

Nine- I do not snore. Thus, my roommate will start being suspicious of my gender when he realises that he can sleep peacefully at night.

Ten- I talk in my sleep. According to Ino, that is. Apparently, I yell out things in frustration, such as: "DIE, SASUKE, DIE!" and "NARUTO, YOU DAMN TWIT, GIVE ME BACK MY FUCKING RAMEN!". Hence, if I am suffering any issues during my daytime disguise as a man, I will most likely yell it out in my sleep.

Eleven- I am scared of porn. You do not meet a boy who is scared of porn. A prime example of this is Kakashi-sensei, who grips onto his erotic novels even during a battle for his life. This is how attached most men are to their porn. I squeal in fright whenever I see other women's Botox-injected boobies. They are most vulgar and I hope to never experience it again.

Twelve- My name is Sakura. That is after a flower. Men don't have names after flowers. You don't see a guy walking around with a name like "Rose" or "Lily" or "Daffodil".

You see what I mean? I can go on and on forever about this subject but I'm wasting paper and that's not cool since there are only so many trees on this planet. What will happen if one day, we suddenly run out of trees? We would have no diaries to keep people sane, no toilet paper and no tissues. People would walk around emotionally deranged and smelling like poop. Other people will have snot dribbling constantly down their faces at springtime. That is how important paper is important to our society and how I am doing the society a large favour by not completing my list of one hundred and one reasons on why Sakura Haruno is not and cannot ever be a man.

When I tried to defend my feminine honour to Tsunade-sama, she just chuckled at me.

"You'll do fine, Sakura. Besides, if you finish this mission successfully, you won't even have to take the Chuunin or Jounin exams. You automatically pass, as this is rated a S-level mission."

Damn bitch. Using power and authority to bribe me. So what was I supposed to do? I mean, come on.. I won't have to endure the three days of hell that is the Chuunin exam. As tempting as going without sleep for three days sounds, I'd much rather sleep in a nice comfortable bed. But then, I'd rather go three days with sleep than disguise myself as a boy for an undefined period of time. But obviously and as usual, my brain wasn't working so I automatically answered yes. After all, this seemed to be a piece of cake, right? Unfortunately, when i had regained my lack of brain cells (after eating some very brain-cell-increasing food at dinner), I thought over this whole situation again and realised the many cons to this mission. If I was going to be living the life of a boy for who knows how long, how the hell am I supposed to get married? How am I supposed to make little Sakuras with my dream husband? Not that I think about these things but seriously, what about my MARITIAL future?

As if any guy with his sanity intact would want to enter a long term relationship with a girl who posed as a man for a few years. Oh my lord. I have just realised this. I'd be transsexual because I'd be so influenced by my daily manly routines that I'd completely forget how to be a girl. It'll practically be like I have the missing body parts down there, as well as the boobs but the boobs are unnoticeable and I'd be so manly that the missing parts would actually be there but they're not. I'm not making any sense aren't I? Well… WOMEN who are currently having their feminine rights invoked from them are usually in frenzy. This is hypothetically normal but then there has never been a study on this subject because women aren't usually forced to become men.

Oh my god, why is this happening to me? Only nine days ago, regions of rabid fangirls chased me around Konoha. Now I'm forced to play the lead in a never-ending play? What is with me? It must be the karma. Oh my god. I am never killing another person ever again. I'll just stun them with my needles or something and get the birds to eat them. Or maybe I'll kill them off nicely so that their bloody family members won't curse my life it is. I don't even want to know how my life is going to be if another family curses me. Maybe by then I'll have to resort to being a homosexual prostitute. Oh lordy. I don't want to do this. Why me?


End file.
